Sometimes, learning the system and playing along reaps delightful benefits. We’re kind of nominal fans of surfing Goodwill stores for so-so deals, screen-printable apparel, and the occasional LP score (swordfishtrombones? yes please). However, Goodwill’s pricing is often very questionable. Case in point, an in-the-box coffee maker with a $24.98 sticker being resold for $25. I get it. They are a business, but i’ll have to pass. But what to do when your microwave finally kicks the proverbial bucket? (is that an allusion to one hanging themself? that would be rather grim… i’ll do some research on that and probably NOT get back with you) Yes folks, microwave ovens apparently do indeed have a lifespan and that lifespan is apparently fourteen years. This particular ‘wave traces back through ten years of marriage and four years of college to Mama Jane’s high school graduation when she received it as a gift from family friends and employers. Good times. Au revoir, olde friend.
Now let’s not get into a debate about whether or not a microwave oven is a necessity. We’ve already been through that and you know who’s going to win this one. Game, set, match. So, when you decide that you simply cannot live responsibly on this planet without a microwave oven, where do you go to acquire one… legally?
Retail? Come on. What would Mister Ramsey say about that?
Ask a friend? And become a charity case? (just kidding)
Craigslist? Good luck.
Goodwill? Perhaps. There are only a baker’s dozen in a five mile vicinity. Besides, while we’re there, maybe we can find a copy of John Wesley Harding only to be disappointed upon finding the vinyl riddled with scratches and marks. Alright, by golly, i’m in!
Well, after visiting four or five stores, we essentially found two microwaves. The first was the size of a television with a dial resembling a television dial and might have even had an antennae coming out of the back. No, i promise you, it was in fact a microwave not a television. It was also probably closing in on forty years and they wanted $25 for it. I thought the thing would have been amazing, but upon further consideration we figured it would probably use more energy heating a bowl of oatmeal than our electric oven would use heating our home. The second microwave was still in the box with a ding in the side, but priced at $48. Now, here’s where playing the game comes into play. You see, in the greater indianapolis area, Goodwill stores adhere to a weekly color code. In other words, every item in the store is assigned one of five(?) colors. Each week, starting on sunday, everything bearing a tag with the determined color sells for 50% of the sale price. Whether my explanation of any of this makes sense is of little consequence. What matters is that if we came back to the store three days later (sunday) and the color for that week matched that of the tag on the microwave oven box then it could be ours for a mere $24!
Now to bring this story to a screeching halt of a conclusion. Sunday morning, we are parked outside Goodwill waiting for the doors to open. Why yes, that was us who you were pointing out to the kids. Twenty minutes we waited while Baby Jane sobbed and sobbed, but you better believe Mama Jane was the first one through the gate when it opened. She made her way back to the far corner of the store where our little Sunbeam was waiting patiently for us to claim him as our own.
Also wearing a red tag: the rad chord organ pictured above. Also take a look at that shoe in the same photo. Baby Jane told me just this morning that my shoes were “broken” and that i needed to “throw them in the trash”. From the mouths of babes.
The moral of the story is this: Never pay retail for an appliance because there might be a chord organ in it for you.
Now enjoy this depiction of a papa lion nursing two abandoned gosling back to health.
Thank you, Fort Wayne Zoo, for your inspired interpretations of the circle of life using the under-appreciated medium of pumpkins.
